The Holding Tank

Well I am back at it. I have begun several entries since my last blog posting but erased them because the whole idea seems so indulgent somehow. Yet, I remind myself how much inspiration I gain from blogs I have read and, in particular, one of my friend's - the reading of which has actually managed to turn my day around on numerous occasions. So I feel there is no harm in writing out my observations and experiences with the hope that one of you can relate or that it will make you feel better somehow.

Since returning from France, I have felt as if I am in limbo. I have been at the restaurant almost every night and am grateful to have my job back. There are still many old (and new) beautiful people that work there and it is familiar and comforting to me. The state of limbo comes in that I have seen so many people come and go, making me acutely aware of the passage of time and just how precious it is. Moreover, I don't desire to be a professional waitress. I am making strides outside of work by getting my copywriting degree (slowly but surely) and this job (A) is a means to get to B (copywriting professional). The question is how do I genuinely be happy in A instead of just going through the motions, so to speak. I know it is just a means to an end but it consumes a large part of my life and I want to find ways to enjoy this time. I believe it is partly just a decision. I try to make a deal with myself that I am going to enter the restaurant each shift with as much optimism as possible. As much as I love my coworkers they don't always make it easy, depending on where they're at. Let's be honest, anyone who has worked in a restaurant knows how hard it gets and the more days in a row you've worked, the more frazzled and grumpy you are (myself included). The guests don't always make it easy either...that's another blog!

Nevertheless, it's the little things that fill me with joy and remind me that there are many worse holding tanks on the way to achieving your destination. I get to see parents reconnect with each other after putting the kids with a sitter for the first time in too long, I get to see people turn 50 with their loved ones around them, I get to laugh with so many funny and awesome co-workers, eat cheap filets, meet tourists from all over the world and drink red wine after a long shift. I guess I just know it could be worse and I find myself getting really irritated by negative people who can't see that. Faith is also the other thing I have. Faith that my hard work will get me where I need to be. Faith that if I remain optimistic, good things will come my way. I will not apologize for it. I will celebrate this spirit of mine!! And if you find this annoying or too "Pollyanna" for your liking, then get lost. My reality is one of gratitude and happiness, because I decide so!